As humans we are social in nature. We crave attention and connection and love. We long for a partner and friendship and we feel like something is missing without it.
I’ve never been the type to desire the house and husband and kids. I enjoy a flighty life with endless opportunities. But I desire a partner in life. I desire unconditional love and companionship. I desire someone waiting for me at the end of the day to engulf me in a hug and tell me that they love me.
But for now I come home to my beautiful house and my four wonderfully loving cats and this beautiful life that I’ve created for myself. And for now, I am my own partner.
Being in the life coaching world and pursuing this career in social work and life betterment, one of the most common things people worry about is finding love. We can become consumed with finding a relationship or a romantic partner. And when it’s a slow season for companionship, we can feel lonely and unloved.
As a single woman in her 30’s with 4 cats, I can tell you honestly that it gets fucking lonely sometimes. Especially when I try to get out into the dating world and it’s less than desirable.
So, how do I manage to still be extremely happy and single?
The answer is in self love and self care.
The truth is that you have to be there for yourself. You have to be your number one. Your best friend. Your soulmate.
When you start treating yourself like your own best friend, you will enjoy the company you spend with yourself. You will experience unconditional love for yourself. And you will want to hang out with yourself.
I have so much fun when I put on good music and dance in my kitchen with my cats. I used to have this thought in the back of my head that I needed someone else there to experience it with me because if no one was with me, then it didn’t mean anything of value. But it does. It is so valuable.
These are precious, beautiful moments that I am creating with myself. These are moments where I’m happy with my best friend and my soulmate. Because I am my best friend and my own soulmate. Why should these experiences mean any less because no one else is around? They should be just as wonderful as shared moments with others.
Making the most of the time I spend with myself is the ultimate self care. I’ve spent holidays alone. I’ve traveled across the state to a beautiful beach on Thanksgiving and played in the cool waters and laid on the white sand. I’ve created a club in my living room with strobe lights and a fog machine to ring in the New Year with just myself and my cats. I’ve taken trips alone to beautiful places and created memories with myself.
So when I am alone at night on the couch watching tv and I start to feel lonely, I know that I have myself. And my own company is just as incredible as someone else’s. I learn to be patient and know that in time, I will have moments that I will share with the people that mean the world to me. And in between those moments, I will have the incredible ones that I spend with myself.
When I start to feel lonely, I just know that it is because I have so much love in my heart that it needs to be let out. These are the moments when my friends get extra text messages from me. These are the moments when I reach out just to say hi or that I love them.
Loneliness is just love that has nowhere to go. Put it somewhere. Give it to your friends and family. Give it to your pets. Give it to your passions and your projects.
And most importantly, give it to yourself. Because you’re a bad bitch.